


The Patient.

by Wearenotalright



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Cancer, Cheating, Death, Forgiveness, Gerard's dying, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Other, f/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2568203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wearenotalright/pseuds/Wearenotalright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank has been there for his boyfriend ever since they found out he has cancer. As his boyfriend spends more time in the hospital, Frank spends more time out with people trying to cope with the pain of his dying boyfriend. Soon Frank starts to make mistakes, and it might be too late for Frank to make things right, after all, time is very fragile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Patient.

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt reaad over this im sorrry!
> 
> Based on The Black Parade with a twist. I kinda had a dream about this. I hope it comes out good.. and yes I’m still writing my other story, but I just felt the need to write this up real quick. Enjoy xo

_The End._

I always hate this part of the day, leaving the hospital. I hate it when they tell me that visiting hours are over and I have to go home. They don’t understand the love I have for him, they don’t understand how badly I want to stay here all the time, the entire time by his side. But they don’t let me, they make me leave the only man that means anything to me. They ripped it away from me, and it’s not fair. I just want to be with my boyfriend. Is that all too much to ask? Is that too much to want in life? I’m already trying my hardest to deal with my boyfriend so ill. Hooked up to all these crazy machines, I hate how he looks. This isn’t my boyfriend. This isn’t the man who I fell in love with. He’s a body. Just a body….

 “I don’t want to leave,” I whine to my boyfriend while I put on my jacket.

“I know, but they’ll kick you out either way,” he replied back to me trying to sit up fully from his hospital bed.

I save him the struggle from trying to get up and I walk over him and give him a kiss, “I love you, babe.”

“I love you too, get home safe,” he said as I left the hospital room, room 789. The 11th floor of the hospital. _I fucking hate this._

Gerard knows I love him, Gerard knows I’ll do anything for him. That’s why I stay here with him all these hours.

_Welcome To The Black Parade._

It’s a breezy Saturday afternoon and I’m back at the hospital, like I always am. I’m pretty sure all the nurses and doctors know me by now. I’m waiting for the day that they greet me with coffee or some candy. Since I found out about Gerard’s illness I told my job that I can’t work weekends so I can at least give my boyfriend a full weekend where I don’t have to worry about my lunch breaks or getting to work on time. I can just spend it with him and there’s nothing to distract us.

“You know, I have this theory,” Gerard starts up, I look at him, showing him that I’m interested.

“When I was younger my dad took me into New York City to see the Thanksgiving parade, and I loved it so much. When I die I think that’s where I’m going to go to. When I die I’m going to go back to the day when I was a boy, and I’ll be with my dad. And my dad’s going to welcome me to the parade. Only this time it’s not the normal Thanksgiving parade that we saw when we were younger, it’s going to be really dark, buildings are going to be burned down and it’s all gray all over the place, after all death isn’t a very happy place, it’s dark. And a band is going to be playing a song, reassuring me that everyone is going to remember me, and they lead me to my death. It seems like it’s going to be peaceful, actually.”

“Wow,” I whispered, trying to hold back the tears that I feel swell up in my eyes.  I can’t think of Gerard dead. “That’s powerful, baby.”

He doesn’t seem upset, he seems totally okay. He seems so sure of himself that that is exactly how it’s going to happen for him. To be honest, for his sake, I really hope it does. He looked happy telling me how he sees himself crying and how he’ll want to see death and all I ever wanted was to see Gerard happy and if that makes him happy then I’ll be happy.

We spend the rest of the day playing random games and talking about our days. I was mostly talking; Gerard never seems to have anything to say about his day, it’s all the same for him. He wakes up, goes to therapy, watches TV, eats lunch, and gets poked and filled with medicine that’s supposed to make him better. He barely does anything, he even stopped drawing after a while. For a long time he would draw and give me the drawings and I would put them in my office. Some people call me a little weird, because it’s not like Gerard is my son, he’s my boyfriend. But then again, no one ever understood our relationship.

“Time’s up, Frank,” I heard the nurse say eventually, I knew she would kick me out. This nurse is so nice, she’s always very nice to me and gives me a good vibe. I’m really happy when she’s working with Gerard. It makes me feel a little safer knowing that he’s in such good care.

Gerard and I say our goodbyes and I tell him that I’ll be back tomorrow morning and he just smiles and kisses me, “I can’t wait.”

 

I’m drunk, oh my god I am so fucking drunk. When I left the hospital I went to the bar, I was so upset with his death theory that I had to get myself drink and clam myself down. I put up a good front for Gerard but inside I was ready to crumble into pieces. I just didn’t want Gerard to see me ready to fall apart. He’s going through enough. I need to be strong. I need to be strong for myself and for Gerard. He can’t see me weak.

I’m not strong at all.

That’s what leads me here, I’m completely shit faced at some random bar, and it’s a little packed. It’s not the normal bar that I always go to just around the block from me. It’s a bar that’s near the hospital. I find that kind of ironic, a bar near the hospital. It’s like they know some asshole is going to get hurt. Or the bar owner is just smart, he knows that most of the time you leave a hospital sad, so you’ll need a drink. It’s such a good way to make money. Either way, he’s making a lot of money off me because I left the hospital a total wreck and I ended up here.

“What’s a cute guy like yourself sitting alone?” I heard a voice call over, I turn my direction to the voice, it was a female voice, I pointed to myself because honestly, I’m dumbfounded that someone would actually hit on me.

She laughs, “yes you.”

The girl is fairly pretty. She has long brown hair, a slim figure and a pretty smile. She has light makeup on and she’s a little short.  She was dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a dark purple and black flannel button up shirt. She topped her outfit off with a pair of black combat books. She looked very stylish. I’m still really shocked that she wants to talk to me, and calling me cute was just insane. No way am I cute.

“I’m Amanda,” she greeted herself, sitting down next to me, “what’s your name?”

“Frank.” I mumbled back to her, looking at my beer. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk to anyone at this time of the day. I just wanted to wallow in my self-pity and cry about my dying boyfriend.

“You’re not from around here,” she states, not giving up on trying talking to me.

“I just left the hospital, my boyfriend is there.” I drily said back to the girl.

She ignores the fact that I said I was at the hospital and just says, “you’re gay?”

“Bisexual,” I corrected her, “I’ve been with him for 6 years.”

She looks at me with shocked eyes. I guess love is that hard to find now, huh? It’s like a big thing if you’re with someone for more than a year. People don’t understand the meaning of commitment anymore. I love Gerard more than I ever loved anyone and I know that our love will never die. Maybe she was shocked because I’ve been with a guy for so many years, every time Gerard and I tell someone that we’ve been together for 6 years they get so shocked, apparently same sex couples can’t stay together.

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you alone,” she sighs, looking at me deeply in my eyes, “I don’t want your boyfriend to get mad at talking to someone else.”

I almost jump, “no! I mean – he’s not a jealous person. I’m allowed to have a friend.”

It was almost like that’s exactly what she wanted to hear from me and she sits back down. She quickly asks about Gerard and why he’s in the hospital and I explain to her that he has cancer. She holds my hand with empathy as I pour my heart out to her. I’m pretty sure it’s the beer that’s giving me the strength to actually talk about this. I try my best to not talk about Gerard and his condition to anyone, let alone a total stranger. But I tell her everything. I tell her how at first he was able to be at home, but then he just got worse. He couldn’t even get out of bed. He was so weak. I couldn’t watch over him all day and neither could his family. We did what we had to do and sent him to the hospital, and he’s been there ever since. That was almost a year ago. Gerard’s not getting any better, but he’s not getting any worse. It’s like he’s stuck in this sickness with no way of it getting better and no way of it getting worse. It’s like he’s stuck and so am I. I’m always worried and scared that I’m going to get that phone call telling me that he’s dead.

I look at Amanda. After about 8 beers she sort of looks like Gerard, she has dark hair and bright eyes. She’s a little sassy, too. She reminds me of him in some weird way and I start to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” she asks with a smile, sipping on her own drink.

I wave my hand in the air, “it’s just – you remind me of him. Gerard.”

She gives me a cheesy smile, moving even closer to me and gives me a flirty smirk, “how so?”

I take a long sip of my beer, telling her, “you’re passionate when you talk. You’re a little dorky, you’re funny, you have good taste in music. You have beautiful eyes…”

I trailed off, lost inside her eyes. They’re really bright with a hint of green and I could get lost inside them and stay there for a long time without complaining.

“Is that so?” she said in a hushed whisper, coming closer to me and I can smell the alcohol on her breath and I don’t mind it, I can see a smile creep on her face and I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she is.

“You’re pretty.” I mumbled with our faces are inches apart.

She doesn’t say anything back to me; she just leans in closer and kisses me softly. The first thought screamed inside my head was, ‘ _stop! You have a boyfriend and he’s dying of cancer. STOP!’_

I ignored my inner screaming thoughts as I deepened the kiss, our tongues dancing. She tastes like mixed drinks and cigarettes. I couldn’t stop the kiss; even if I wanted to I couldn’t stop. I pulled her in deeper, the rush of pleasure waved over me. It’s been so long since I had a deep kiss. A kiss filled with raw passion and lust. It felt so good to have this again. Since Gerard has been away at the hospital and obviously too sick to do anything sexual, left me with a dead sex life.

“Let’s get a motel room, baby,” she mumbles, breaking the kiss. I feel like I was just under water for 10 minutes and I’m gasping for air. I almost forgot she was there but she palmed my semi hard dick and I nodded my head.

I grabbed her hand and we left the bar.

_I Don’t Love You._

I wasn’t at the hospital the first thing in the morning like I promised Gerard. Instead I woke up in a gross looking motel and the girl I was talking to last night at the bar. I wanted to throw up and it wasn’t because I’m hung over. I didn’t have to ask to know what happened; her clothes are gone and so are mine. She’s still fast asleep. I quietly get out of the bed and get myself dressed. I fish in my pants for my keys and I saw there was a number with the girls name on it. She probably gave it to me before I cheated on my boyfriend of 6 years. Angry, I ripped up the paper and left the room before she would wake up. I never want to see her ever again.

I go home and I go straight into the shower and get ready to see Gerard at the hospital. Today was going to be the worst day of my life. I thought finding out Gerard has cancer was the worst day of my life, but it wasn’t. It was last night and today. I can’t lie to him and I would never intend on lying to him. I wish I didn’t have to do this, but I need to.

Before I know it I was at the hospital again, sipping my coffee as I passed all the nurses who just greet me with a friendly hello. They know I don’t need any help trying to find the room.

When I walk into the room I see Gerard laying on his bed, sleeping. Tears swell up in my eyes, the guilt rushing over me as I watch my perfect and faithful boyfriend sleeping. My heart aches and I just want to run away and never look back. But I know I can’t do that. I have to face this.  Gerard slowly starts to wake up, probably from hearing me sit down. Gerard has always been a really light sleeper and it doesn’t surprise me that he wakes up to the lightest things.

Gerard notices that I’m sitting next to him and he smiles, “hey baby.”

My heart shatters with guilt as Gerard calls me baby.  I truly don’t deserve such a great person. He’s been nothing but amazing to me and I always tried my best to be the best boyfriend for him, I know I’m moody and I have a hot temper. I don’t think before I speak and I always seem to drive Gerard nuts, but he’s accepted all of that. He learned to deal with me because he loves me. But I don’t deserve his love. I don’t deserve to share the rest of my life with him. He deserves someone who’s not going to cheat on him once they have one too many drinks. I feel awful. I feel like the worst person ever. I want to run away and hope Gerard understands why I ran after I saw that he was awake. That it clicked in his head that his boyfriend cheated on him while he was sick and dying in the hospital.

That doesn’t happen, I don’t run away and he figured out that I cheated on him. But he does notice how my head is low and I feel like I’m going to break down. He notices that I can’t hide my shame.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, trying to lift himself up, but he’s gotten weaker. I can see the death in his eyes. My heart feels empty as I watch his struggle. His nails and eyes are turning yellow. They said his liver might fail a while back. I can’t even look at him, it hurts. Oh my god, it hurts.

“I’m sorry.” I choked out, sobbing, getting up from my chair.

Gerard looks confused, looking at me with worried eyes. His skin is so much paler than usual, and his hairless head is covered by a beanie. He really does look like he’s dying. Reality hits me, _he’s fucking dying_ and I just cheated on him with a total stranger.

“What’s wrong, Frankie? We can get through anyth-”

“I cheated on you.” I blurted out, cutting him off.

“What?” Disbelief.

I sighed and paced around the room, “I don’t know how the fuck it happened. I was drinking and she was there-”

_“She?”_ Venom.

“I was so upset about you, I just want you better and I don’t know, she was there and she listened to me. I don’t even fucking remember her name.”

He doesn’t say anything. He just looks at his pale hands, I finally stopped pacing around my room and I’m waiting for him to lash out. For him to tell me to go to hell, for him to tell me that he doesn’t love me anymore and that he hates me for what I did to him. I want him to gain some strength and slap me across the face like I deserve.

“I was scared this would happen,” Gerard finally said, filling the silence barely above a whisper.

“What?” I said, totally taken back by his words.

“They warned me, they warned me that because I lack... because I can’t have sex that you would go and find it somewhere else. I almost didn’t believe them that they would happen, that my boyfriend isn’t like that. Our relationship isn’t built on sex… but…”

“Stop, Gerard.” I sobbed, I can’t hear him talk like this anymore. “I love you.”

“If you loved me why did you do this?” he asked, a small tear trailing down his face, “it’s okay, Frank, you fell out of love with me… I understand.”

“No!” I yelled, getting down on my knees, “no Gerard, I love you. Please…” I begged.

Gerard sighed, “you know, if you didn’t love me like you did yesterday, you could’ve just said so.”

Every Monday I try to see Gerard. But he always tells a nurse that he doesn’t want me there. I refuse to leave each time, I always put up a fight, telling Gerard that I love him and that I’m sorry. He’s convinced that I don’t love him, that I’m doing this only because he has cancer and I’m just doing this out of pity. It’s all such a goddamn lie. I’m doing this because I love him more than anything in the entire world and I don’t want anything to happen to him without telling him how I truly feel. I need him to forgive me. I need him to take me back. I need him, he doesn’t see it right now but I fucking need him more than he’ll ever know.

I tried everything I could think of to get him back, I sent him flowers, I bought him candies. I tried all the typical romantic acts that people do in the lame Lifetime movies that get the girl back, but I got to remember that this is no movie and this is real life. These are real hearts that are breaking, real tears that fall down my face every night as I miss Gerard more and more as the days go on.

This time, I had an idea that I was really hoping would work. It was my last idea I had before I had to give up and let Gerard live his life without me in it.

I enter the hospital like I do every Monday morning; the nurses don’t give me their warm and happy hellos. I’m pretty sure that Gerard told some nurse that I cheated on him, and just like every other job, news travels fast and I was known as the asshole that cheated on my cancer patient boyfriend.

I entered the room quietly, sometimes Gerard sleeps for hours before he wakes up and sees me. I like those days the most, because I can spend at least a few hours before Gerard jumps down my throat begging for me to leave.  He’s awake when I come in though and he rolls his eyes at me.

“Leave.”

“No,” I said back, quickly. I pull the guitar that was behind my back and Gerard has a confused look on his face.

“Gerard Way, I love you so damn much. I’ll do anything to let you know how much you mean to me, and how badly I want you to take me back. I know I made a mistake, and my biggest mistake I ever made was this. You’re the most important person in my entire life. I don’t care if you can’t have sex, I have my damn hand for that. The only thing I care about is you. I don’t know how much time you have left, Gee… but I know I want to spend every second that I can with you.”

Gerard doesn’t say anything, but I see silent tears running down his face.

“I wrote this for you a few days ago…”

_If I'm so wrong_  
How can you listen all night long?  
Now will it matter after I'm gone?  
Because you never learned a goddamned thing

_You're just a sad song with nothing to say_  
About a life long wait for a hospital stay  
And if you think that I'm wrong  
This never meant nothing to you

“That’s all I have right now, I feel like it’s missing a lot. But it’s what I was feeling a few days ago. Gerard, please take me back.”

I had nothing left. I stood at the foot of the bed waiting for Gerard to say something to me. His eyes are red from crying and I can’t stop myself as I walked over to the bed and sat down on it and pulled him into a hug.

“You know,” he said sniffling, “I never really got scared when I found out I have cancer. I had a good attitude about it. But fuck, Frankie, that song... I love you.” Gerard said, looking at me, softly kissing me.

We stayed like that for what felt like a lifetime, I hugged him and held him as he sobbed into my chest. I knew these tears weren’t tears of joy of us getting back together, they weren’t tears because I was oh so romantic that I swept him off his feet and into my arms. He was scared. It always alarms me when he’s scared, because Gerard is never scared. He’s totally fearless and he takes life by the balls and rolls with it. He never once showed he was scared when he found out he has cancer. I was more scared than him, but he just kissed my lips and told him that everything was going to be okay. This time he wasn’t telling me everything was going to be okay. He was truly terrified that he was going to die.

He was scared to die.

_Famous Last Words._

“C’mon, baby, try to drink.” I said sympathetically, trying to get him to take a drink of water.

“I can’t…”

Gerard’s cancer spread. He started to get weaker, his doctors and nurses agreed to let me stay here over nights now. I practically live here. I watch Gerard throughout the night to make sure that he doesn’t stop breathing. I help him get up and take him to go to the bathroom, it kills me watching him like this. He randomly coughs when he’s sleeping and I always have to lift him to sit up so he doesn’t choke, usually it ends with him throwing up. Throw up mixed with tears.

He started to become thinner and thinner. He was like a pile of bones. His eyes were sunken in and he had giant bags under his eyes. Gerard’s eyes used to be full of life, they sparkled when you saw him, he had a smile that would light up the entire room. It’s like when he smiled you had to smile too, because his smile was so beautiful you just couldn’t not smile. Now he doesn’t smile. I think he doesn’t remember how to smile.

“Frank?” A voice called over, I look over the shoulder and I see his main doctor, Doctor Lambardi.

I walked over to the door and gave a quick glance over to Gerard and he’s looking out the window.

“Frank, I think it’s time to call his family,” Doctor Lambardi said to me.

I chewed my lip, “why?”

“Don’t make me say it, Frank. You’ve been by his side this entire time. Please, just call his family.”

I started to panic, the worst flooding my head, I called quickly over to Gerard that I’m going to get some coffee. I started to walk down the halls with tears flowing down my face, no one tries to stop me as I run to the little coffee shop they have here. I don’t think I can breathe at this point and I’m hiding in a corner trying my best to catch my breath. This isn’t fucking happening. He can’t leave me. He just fucking can’t. I need him so much, doesn’t the Universe see that? Doesn’t the Universe see that I love him and that I need him? Doesn’t the Universe see that I’m nothing without him? I’m truly nothing without him.

I fumble with my phone, finally getting it out of my pocket and with my blurry vision I call Gerard’s brother Mikey. I would rather have Mikey hear me sound like a total wreck than his mom.

 

 

Within a few days Gerard stopped talking, he’s barely awake ever. He’s always sleeping now. The only sound is the heart machine telling us that he’s alive. In the hospital room is me and his family, and his good friend Ray that he’s known since he was 3. His other friend Lindsey is here too. No one says a word as we all look at Gerard’s sleeping form. I’m by his bed side holding his hand, tears rolling down my face as I silently pray that he gets better. Donna and Donald are standing at the other side of the bed, his mom holding onto her husband tightly, quiet sobbing escaping her mouth. Mikey is at the end of the bed, with an emotionless look on his face. I think he’s too shocked to see what’s happening. Ray and Lindsey are looking at Gerard with empathy.

“Gerard,” I sobbed out, “everyone that you love is here with you. I’m here, your parents and Mikey. Even Ray and Linds came here to see you.”

_Beep, beep, beep…._

“Gee,” I heard his mom choke out, “baby, I love you so much. You fought so hard, I just can’t believe that- ”

Donna couldn’t finish, she just broke down and leached onto Don, he rubbed her back softly, trying his best to stay strong for his wife.

“Son, I never got to tell you enough, but I’m proud of you. I’m proud to call you my son. I love you.” Donald said, looking at his oldest son. You can see a small tear run down his face as he looks at Gerard’s dying body.

_Beep, beep…_

“Gerard, it’s Mikey, I don’t fully know what’s going on, but I know it isn’t good,” Mikey starts, tears rolling down his face, it’s not that Mikey’s too young to understand, because he’s an adult, I just don’t think Mikey is letting himself believe that this is happening, “you’ve been so strong. You’re my hero.”

Ray and Lindsey walk over to the bed. Lindsey’s eyeliner is running down her face and Ray is holding her hand tightly, Ray isn’t crying. That scares me the most.

“I remember when I met Gerard in high school, everyone told me how he was so weird. I was like, ‘fuck yeah,’ and I went and got to know him. I never regretted it. You’re such an amazing friend, Gee. I love you.” Lindsey sobbed out, turning her head away and going returning to the back of the room.

Ray just looked at Gerard’s dying form, he doesn’t say anything, but he looks at me up and down. At first I thought he was going to punch me, he had such an angry look on his face. Gerard and Ray have known each other since they were 3 years old. Ray was very over protected over him growing up and still as adults he was.

“Thank you,” he whispered, “thank you for being Gerard’s soul mate. I’ve never seen him so happy like he was with you. I love you, Gee.”

_Beep…._

It feels like forever that we’ve all been standing there. No one moves, no one wants to leave incase something happens. It’s like time was standing still, the heart machine isn’t beeping as much as it was before and we all know what’s going to happen next. We don’t say it, it’s like the elephant in the room, we all know. We don’t say a goddamn word though.

I leaned over to him and give him a small kiss on his cold lips, “I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you too,” I shot up, looking at Gerard, he looks like he’s trying so hard to speak, you can tell it’s taking the life out of him.

“I love you all more than you’ll ever know,” he whispered, heaving heavily.

_Beep…_

“I want you all to know,” Gerard breathed in deeply, trying to get air inside his lungs, “I’m not scared. I’m not afraid.”

I hold his hand tighter, “I guess you’re going to the parade, huh?” I nervously laughed.

He smiled, “yeah, baby, I am. I’m going to the Black Parade.”

_Flat line._


End file.
